January plans for sabbatical

A few weeks ago I received an email from a friend regarding my post on idols. Particularly, he was interested in what God had opened me up to in terms of my own personal idolatry. Here's a brief answer as it relates to last month.

December for me was a month of decompression. After ministering for over twenty years without a clear break (except after Kay and I got married) the first month was spent gaining my balance. Even with Christmas and New Orleans the task was to actually de-pressurize my life. To that extent, I would say this: I now can understand why people who retire often go crazy. If you spend the majority of your waking hours producing something, once that "thing" is gone there are serious questions of identity that arise. For me it reminded me every day that at the core of "me", I am not a pastor. I do not have to answer to everyone's whims. I cannot please everyone. My "job" is not who I am. It seemed to me that this must be connected to idolatry in some way. Once I take something good and make it ultimate in my life by investing purpose, meaning, and identity, once that thing is gone, it's going to create a sense of existential loneliness and confusion. December can only be described as a month of God revealing to me the depth of how I place my job on the altar thinking that what I do is absolutely necessary to His plan.

Now January! Here's the plan. I'm open to God to lead me in any direction. For instance, even early in the month, while I thought I was going to spend time thinking about ecclesiology (the Church), I ended up reading, thinking and praying about eschatology (future things). I'm ok with meandering a bit because through it God will teach me what He wants. The pull of idolatry in this life is incredible and pervasive. Only when we look at the end are we reminded that even this life has been redeemed by Jesus' work on the Cross and His resurrection.

I'll be studying and praying quite a bit as i'm up in a monastery next week. Since I'm going to a Benedictine monastery it's only appropriate that I spend time looking at St. Benedict (and I might even throw some Henri Nouwen in there) It's during this time of silence and solitude for much of the day that I'm open to God revealing even more about my vices and the virtues make me think I'm doing alright. And finally to spend some long times walking in the gardens and vineyards praying for guidance and for those I love dearly (including you all!). I will see you all in about four weeks!