I feel like I've been in denial. I'm about ready to enter into something called a "sabbatical" and since I'm not sure what do do with it, I've been avoiding having to come to grips with certain facts. The basic problem is that I really identify with ministry. It's what "I do" and I've been "doing" it (as if you do ministry to people!) for quite awhile now. This is the first sabbatical that I'm actually going to take!
There was always talk within Campus Crusade of giving staff a sabbatical, but it was always attached to support raising. Most staff never take the opportunity and if they do, there is a tremendous amount of guilt associated with it especially if support is low. The closest to a sabbatical on Crusade staff was the summer right after Kay and I were married. It was a very leisurely summer of doing pretty much nothing except for thinking about support.
It's really hard to think about taking time completely off when it's been ingrained in you that ministry is something that you "do." When you take the time off and actually reflect it's clear how much identity is attached to what you do. I suspect that this is what's going on when people retire and then turn around and go back to work. Or they sit around and get bored around the house. It is amazing to stop and think about how much of who we sense we are is attached to what we do or who we are with - work, school, family, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. The very fact that i am mandated to take time off reveals just how much I associate who I am with what I do and the people I'm with.
Since I can be honest about it, here's the background for sabbatical. The biblical basis for sabbatical revolves around the idea of seasons. In Exodus 16, there is a pattern of work - six days on, one day off. How well we hold to a sabbath is the subject of another blog. But the point is that there is a rhythm to the week, to life. Then in Leviticus 25 this is extended to the land. The point of all of this is work, rest, and renewal. The point of sabbatical is to rest and be renewed while still employed. It is more than a gesture of appreciation from the church. It is an intentional break to rest and be renewed. It seems primary that in the rest one would see how attached one is to work in terms of identity, production, and whatever else lies in the heart.
But it's also a time of renewal. It's time to let the ground lie fallow so that it becomes restored, renewed to foster new life. Here's the general plan:
1. To not let the mind dominate in terms of planning and execution (C.S Lewis in "On the Reading of Old Books". This is not to discourage all sorts of reading and learning but it is to remind me not to plan in way that cuts out the spontaneous working of God.
2. To plan for regular times of reflection, silence, and contemplation (Henri Nouwen, "The Way of the Heart")
3. To not try and do too much. I don't want to fill my days with things to do. I want to have the space each day to simply ask, "Lord, what would you have of me today?"
4. To pursue meeting with a spiritual director each week (depending on their availability during the holiday season)
5. To actually spend time reflecting on Christian spirituality as it relates to young adults. My plan will include reading a wide spectrum of books, all intended to shed light on what it looks like for Christians to grow. James Wilhoit wrote about the uniqueness of the college experience as, "the need to expand character formation beyond ethical training and moral decision making. While these roots are necessary, there is also a pressing need for the development of righteous virtues, affections, commitments, and patterns of living rooted in a right understanding of God and self."
That's it! Sunday is my last day until February 1, 2010! Keep checking the blog for updates on what the Lord is teaching me! Pray that the Lord would use this time in my life to renew and refresh me!
