Update on sabbatical

Here is the question I'm working with while on sabbatical... What do I look toward for salvation other than God? I'm really interested in the issue of idolatry in my heart. If idolatry is relying upon something other than God for meaning, purpose, and identity and if idolatry is pervasive and often "hidden", then what idols are there in my life?

There seem to be only a few ways to determine the centrality of idolatry in one's life. The first is frustrated expectations. We all have expectations - some legitimate, some illegitimate, some unspoken, some spoken. As I have thought about this the past few years, it's the ones that are unspoken, the hidden ones, that sneak up and bite us reminding us of their illegitimacy. Think of when you have been frustrated with life or with another person? Do you have a reason to be angry? This was God's question to Jonah in chapter 4 that revealed the hidden expectations and hidden idols that Jonah had in his heart.

I think a second way that idolatry is revealed is when something is taken away. Think about when something you treasure is removed from your life. Is your response more like a child that pouts because something has been taken away? Our reaction in anger or frustration or even confusion is a reminder of what we actually think brings us security and identity. Just because we think we are modern does not entail that we are free from idolatry. It's on the front end of the Ten Commandments so it still must have relevancy today!

This quest has become central for my sabbatical. The reason? Kay's been busy this week with getting ready for the Repast program at church. That has meant in very simple terms that I run with the house while she's gone much of the day. My first reaction to having to "delay my sabbatical" was revealing! I noticed that I was getting frustrated even though I knew she would be gone this week! I knew that I would have to run with things especially with Christopher still sick. I knew that I would have to cancel spending a few days out in the desert on my own so that I could be available for the boys and responsibilities around the house. And I was frustrated. Why? Honestly, because my will in seeking pleasure on MY sabbatical was being frustrated. I think a whole lot more about me and my own pleasure than I would care to admit. This first "hurdle" in my time off revealed simply what I place more importance in - my will and the seeking of pleasure.

Here is part of John Baille's prayer this morning:
Thou art hidden from my sight:
Thou art beyond the understanding of my mind:
Thy thoughts are not as my thoughts:
Thy ways are past finding out:
Yet hast Thou breathed Thy Spirit into my life:
Yet hast Thou formed my mind to seek after Thee:
Yet hast Thou inclined my heart to love Thee:
Yet hast Thou made me restless for the rest that is in Thee:
Yet hast Thou planted within me a hunger and thirst that make me dissatisfied with all the joys of earth.