I have made an observation about being overseas and then returning. There is a rhythm to being overseas that is fairly simple: get up from sleep, eat, minister with every ounce of my being, take moments to reflect upon God's grace and providence for the day, crash and wake up to do it again. It really is a simple rhythm that some have called, "a spiritual greenhouse". The reason is that when God is central to what we do each day and there's time to reflect on Him and His provision for the day, then it makes life fairly simple and growth happens. No computers, no to do list, no scheduling, lack of abundance of meetings, no work, no kids' events! Life gets real simple... simple enough that one has the space to pay attention to God.
But what happens upon returning? I think for many of us who have gone to India and Israel we can attest to the fact that we jump right back into it. In fact, this morning I even remarked to someone, "I'm back in the swing of things." What I meant was that I'm ready to start ministering again. But as I reflected on it, what I really meant was that I'm ready to be busy again! How do I know? Because the initial temptation I faced this morning was, "Do I want to offer the day to God or do I just want to start in on all that has to get done?" Why is it that busyness seems to rear its head after such a wonderful time of ministering and listening to God? Why does life have to get complicated again with multiple layers? Why do I gravitate toward busyness? And my response to people when asked, "How are you?".... "Oh, life is pretty busy." Is that making a statement about my identity?
Some of the layers of life seem unavoidable. For instance, I cannot tell my son, "No birthday party last night because it complicates things too much and I would rather spend the time relaxing and listening to God!" My son would "boo" me out of the house!! But as I have noticed my propensity to just jump into the day with no sense of pausing to offer my heart and the day to God is troubling. There seems to be something that the Enemy uses to distract us from the ultimate good, to rest in our relationship with God in light of the Cross that no sense of striving can accomplish.
This summer I re-read quite a bit of Soren Kierkegaard. He is a bit complicated to understand for a couple of reasons. First, he was really smart and smart people sometimes forget that they need to communicate to ordinary people. Second, he is responding to a form of philosophy (and its implications for theology) that he thought were harmful (the Hegelian influence in thought). But third, he writes often in pseudonyms - Climacus, Anti-Climacus, Johannes de Silentio - that often confuse people. Are they speaking for SK or not?
Rather than go into his thinking (especially the controversial stuff), he makes a suggestion about the Christian life. It is one of suffering. But he does not define suffering in the ordinary sense, like experiencing pain. He defines it as "dying away to immediacy." You and I in our busyness tend to commit ourselves to relative ends. That is, in the scheme of things they are fine. Some are even considered noble, worthwhile. However, they are all relative in the sense that they are not the highest goal - one's proper relationship to God in love. He says this dying to the immediate or temporal is "to express existentially the principle that the individual can do absolutely nothing of himself, but is as nothing before God." In short, suffering is dying to the immediate needs and things of the day and to offer myself in such a way to the eternal God resigning myself to the fact that I can do nothing of myself. We enter willfully into suffering because that is the expression of my dependency upon God. This becomes clear when we understand that the word "suffering" originally had a double meaning: "to feel pain" but also, "to allow, to let, to take up a passive relation toward something." We suffer when we look at our busy lives and reflect with God, "That is not what defines me nor is that the final goal of life."
In the end, I am busy and jump into busyness because I honestly believe that much of life is up to me. There is an underlying belief that my part is substantial and its up to me earn something in my life. While some of life here in the west seems unavoidable, the busyness of life is more ingrained in me then I want to admit or even desire. Its understandable why busyness would rob me of joy because there is no longlasting joy in the temporal, in the immediate. Joy is only found when one is clearly recollected in Christ. Certainly this is not an apologetic for dropping everything. Rather, it is a reminder that busyness can function as a mask to keep me from exploring the deeper beliefs of my heart in relation to God.
"Of all that shall come to me this day, very little will be such as I have chosen for myself. It is Thou, O hidden One, who dost appoint my lot and determine the bounds of my habitation. It is Thou who has put power in my hand to do one work adn hast withheld the skill to do another. It is Thou who dost keep in Thy grasp the threads of this day's life and who along knowest what lies before me to do or to suffer. But because Thou art my Father, I am not afraid. Because it is Thine own Spirit that sirts within my spirit's inmost room, I know that all is well. What I desire for myself I cannot attain, but what Thou desirest in me Thou canst attain for me. The good that I would I do not, but the good that Thou willest in me, that Thou canst give me power to do." John Baille, Day Nine Morning Prayer. Taken from
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